How joy and support helped me find how I fit in. I crafted my story to be one of trans joy. You can find many trans stories that inspire rage, frustration, and grief, but I believe it’s important to realize what’s possible when trans people are loved and supported.
Coming out stories vary so widely throughout queer communities. I'm so glad yours includes joy and curiosity along with acceptance. We need more opportunities to express our joy and to rewrite that societal narrative about coming out!
To that end, here is a brief story about a 6 year old I know. As we sat in a community garden together weeding carrot rows, I explained to this child that I am a boy, not a girl. I asked them how they felt hearing that. They said, "at school my friend Abdul sometimes calls me a boy on the playground... And it feels GREAT!" I asked then if this child wanted me to use he/him pronouns for them, to which they said no. A week later they approached me and said they really did want he/him pronouns. It was nothing but excitement from him from that moment on!
I wish all of our coming out stories felt as joyful as that moment in the carrot bed, the way he said "GREAT!" as though channeling Tony the tiger.
Thanks so much for sharing this story, Robin! I really love how the child had the space to think about what felt best in terms of what people called him, and how you were so supportive in that process! Such a great moment of joy.
Do all of our stories start with "I was terrified to come out..."? I know mine does. Some of the scary stuff did come true but the part that I didn't anticipate was how much my joy/smile would impact my day to day?
I was so withdrawn from the world before coming out. That has changed.
It's personal histories like this one that demonstrate how very much courage it can take to acknowledge something about oneself that so many people are far from understanding. I can see it takes courage I can't imagine even needing, let alone summoning.
That's fair. I wouldn't want to assume anyone's situation. This is why we need more acceptance of LGBTQ+ people, less damaging legislation, better media representation, more community support, etc. I really hope we'll get there.
Thanks, Rey! I've been laying low lately, but a few posts (yours included) have been intriguing enough to encourage me back out into the open. I so appreciate your consistent ability to embrace joy without ignoring or denying the grittier side of things. You grieve for Nex in the same post where you share a very encouraging coming out story (your partner sounds awesome), and you do it in a way that, instead of seeming paradoxical or all over the place, brilliantly conveys the complexity of this trans-hostile culture we live in where it is so vital to our well being that we cherish the moments of grace, joy, and compassion. You are a gem. Thank you.
I'm glad to hear from you, LC and I really appreciate your kind feedback. Behind-the-scenes, this is exactly what I struggled with in the two days before I was able to send out this post. The contradiction between feeling grief and despair yet understanding that if I couldn't read any more sad news stories, my audience doesn't want to either. I wanted to make sure my readers had at least heard of Nex's story, but I didn't want to go into it again for those, like me, who were already grieving.
I'm really glad that what I came up with seems like a good balance and supportive, not insensitive. Thank you for reading, and your support means a huge amount to me. I appreciate you!
No, to me it does not come across as insensitive in any way. My sense is that you are doing an excellent job of modeling how important it is to embrace both the "good" and the "bad" in life, and that honoring one doesn't have to mean excluding the other.
Thank you for sharing this story with us, Rey. All coming out stories are worthy of being honored. I am so glad you have such a supportive partner. You deserve to be loved and affirmed like that.
Rey is fortunate to have a partner who is supportive. I think the partners who love those who come out are equally blessed to have such a wonderful person to share life with.
Thanks so much for your comment! I am very fortunate to have a supportive and wonderful partner! Yes, I think everyone who has supportive and loving partners, family, and friends is blessed. I'm grateful.
Thanks for your story Rey. I'm happy you have a partner with an open mind. A lot of people do not have that quality.
I moved from California to Oklahoma 5 years ago. I'm about 30 minutes from owasso where Nix Benedict was assaulted and later died. It is so sad. I have to say though the local news coverage seems to be open-minded and fair.
BTW, I agree with your partner that you look hot! I think you know that though. I cannot imagine what you must feel, but I thank you for expressing it. I had a girlfriend that look like you and she was a phenomenal one. You are lucky that you can be both. That's probably the way everybody should be. I'm rambling so I will stop.
Yeah, um, I believe I've told you on Instagram already that your comments about my appearance have made me uncomfortable. I'm not sure you saw my replies because you never acknowledged them.
I'm more than happy to have an intellectual discussion or swap stories here. I appreciate you reading my work. But I don't want to flirt.
Pardon me for not acknowledging your comment but I did stop flirting. And I'm not flirting now. I'm just mirroring your comment that you're partner think you're hot.. please forgive me
Coming out stories vary so widely throughout queer communities. I'm so glad yours includes joy and curiosity along with acceptance. We need more opportunities to express our joy and to rewrite that societal narrative about coming out!
To that end, here is a brief story about a 6 year old I know. As we sat in a community garden together weeding carrot rows, I explained to this child that I am a boy, not a girl. I asked them how they felt hearing that. They said, "at school my friend Abdul sometimes calls me a boy on the playground... And it feels GREAT!" I asked then if this child wanted me to use he/him pronouns for them, to which they said no. A week later they approached me and said they really did want he/him pronouns. It was nothing but excitement from him from that moment on!
I wish all of our coming out stories felt as joyful as that moment in the carrot bed, the way he said "GREAT!" as though channeling Tony the tiger.
Thanks so much for sharing this story, Robin! I really love how the child had the space to think about what felt best in terms of what people called him, and how you were so supportive in that process! Such a great moment of joy.
Do all of our stories start with "I was terrified to come out..."? I know mine does. Some of the scary stuff did come true but the part that I didn't anticipate was how much my joy/smile would impact my day to day?
I was so withdrawn from the world before coming out. That has changed.
That's so lovely, Shayne, thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you're more joyful and less withdrawn now.
Thank you, Rey, for sharing your story and in the process, helping all of us feel a lot less alone.
Aw, thank you. That means a lot to me. Thanks!
It's personal histories like this one that demonstrate how very much courage it can take to acknowledge something about oneself that so many people are far from understanding. I can see it takes courage I can't imagine even needing, let alone summoning.
Thanks very much for reading, Robin! I imagine you would summon the necessary courage for the events in your life that are non-negotiable.
And yet I don't think my non-negotiables are as challenging for some people to accept.
That's fair. I wouldn't want to assume anyone's situation. This is why we need more acceptance of LGBTQ+ people, less damaging legislation, better media representation, more community support, etc. I really hope we'll get there.
Thanks, Rey! I've been laying low lately, but a few posts (yours included) have been intriguing enough to encourage me back out into the open. I so appreciate your consistent ability to embrace joy without ignoring or denying the grittier side of things. You grieve for Nex in the same post where you share a very encouraging coming out story (your partner sounds awesome), and you do it in a way that, instead of seeming paradoxical or all over the place, brilliantly conveys the complexity of this trans-hostile culture we live in where it is so vital to our well being that we cherish the moments of grace, joy, and compassion. You are a gem. Thank you.
I'm glad to hear from you, LC and I really appreciate your kind feedback. Behind-the-scenes, this is exactly what I struggled with in the two days before I was able to send out this post. The contradiction between feeling grief and despair yet understanding that if I couldn't read any more sad news stories, my audience doesn't want to either. I wanted to make sure my readers had at least heard of Nex's story, but I didn't want to go into it again for those, like me, who were already grieving.
I'm really glad that what I came up with seems like a good balance and supportive, not insensitive. Thank you for reading, and your support means a huge amount to me. I appreciate you!
No, to me it does not come across as insensitive in any way. My sense is that you are doing an excellent job of modeling how important it is to embrace both the "good" and the "bad" in life, and that honoring one doesn't have to mean excluding the other.
That's a very wise way of looking at it, LC, thank you. I really appreciate your support and feedback.
Thank you for sharing this story with us, Rey. All coming out stories are worthy of being honored. I am so glad you have such a supportive partner. You deserve to be loved and affirmed like that.
Aww, thanks so much, Amy! I appreciate you a lot!
Rey is fortunate to have a partner who is supportive. I think the partners who love those who come out are equally blessed to have such a wonderful person to share life with.
Thanks so much for your comment! I am very fortunate to have a supportive and wonderful partner! Yes, I think everyone who has supportive and loving partners, family, and friends is blessed. I'm grateful.
Thanks for your story Rey. I'm happy you have a partner with an open mind. A lot of people do not have that quality.
I moved from California to Oklahoma 5 years ago. I'm about 30 minutes from owasso where Nix Benedict was assaulted and later died. It is so sad. I have to say though the local news coverage seems to be open-minded and fair.
BTW, I agree with your partner that you look hot! I think you know that though. I cannot imagine what you must feel, but I thank you for expressing it. I had a girlfriend that look like you and she was a phenomenal one. You are lucky that you can be both. That's probably the way everybody should be. I'm rambling so I will stop.
Yeah, um, I believe I've told you on Instagram already that your comments about my appearance have made me uncomfortable. I'm not sure you saw my replies because you never acknowledged them.
I'm more than happy to have an intellectual discussion or swap stories here. I appreciate you reading my work. But I don't want to flirt.
Pardon me for not acknowledging your comment but I did stop flirting. And I'm not flirting now. I'm just mirroring your comment that you're partner think you're hot.. please forgive me