How do I deal with edits to my personal stories?

A writer known for being "surprisingly calm" gets angry

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Published writing gets revised and edited before a general audience ever sees it. So while you might feel like you get a peek into a writer’s private journal when you read a personal essay, the truth is that some or all of it probably got rewritten by one or more editors.

If you’re writing an article about wildlife, or a textbook chapter, or reporting on a cultural phenomenon, as a writer you might really appreciate a second pair of eyes on your work, to help you make your prose stronger and clearer.

But what if you submit a personal true story, and an editor rewrites it?

You might have a few feelings about that. I certainly do.

I’m not scared of edits, in general. I’ve felt completely fine and grateful to receive extensive edits on my articles that don’t talk about me much. But pretty much every time an editor revises a personal essay of mine, I feel enraged.

But I still publish personal essays occasionally. How do I do it?

Well, it takes me by surprise every time. I am a little nervous opening the doc with revisions from the editor. I take a deep breath and then read through it. Something strikes me the wrong way. For example, the editor asked me to add a story about my childhood to illustrate how I struggled to fit in with gender norms.

A reasonable suggestion, right?

“Absolutely not,” I think. “This editor is not a trans person and doesn’t understand my childhood at all. I have no such story and it’s insulting to ask me to add one.”

I feel angry. I feel like the editor is insulting me, my family, and all trans people. I send a polite email reply, confirming I have received the edits, appreciate the editor’s suggestions and that I will work on it. I close my laptop and go eat lunch.

Later that day, I have not revised the piece yet. I complain bitterly to my partner about my rage at these unreasonable edits. My partner is a good person to complain to because (1) he is a supportive listener and (2) he is not on Writer Twitter.

It occurs to me that I could add a story about going to gymnastics class as a kid, if I really had to.

The next day, I write the childhood story and add it to the essay. I’m still feeling annoyed, but more resigned than angry. I send it off to the editor, thanking her for the opportunity to work with her.

A few weeks after the piece is published, I realize that it’s actually much better with that additional childhood story and the editor was absolutely right.

Did I learn from this experience to be less angry the next time I got opinionated edits back on a personal essay? Not at all. If anything, I was angrier.

But I was aware the next time that my anger could be misplaced and would likely fade. I did my best to care for my own emotions while shielding my editor from how I was feeling in the moment. It’s not their job to help me process my feelings.

I share this because I think it helps to understand that many parts of the publishing process are not fun. As we tell our own human stories, a lot of emotions may come up, during brainstorming, writing, revising, being edited, and while doing publicity. On top of doing all this work, it can be incredibly challenging to be asked to give more emotionally as well.

But if the finished result is important enough, to me and to my audience, I think it’s absolutely worth it to struggle through some difficult emotions.

Reading true stories from other LGBTQ+ writers has helped me a great deal to understand and support myself. I feel inspired and in community with others who I am grateful to know share some similar experiences with me. And that’s why sharing our edited, published stories to a wider audience is so important.

Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments.

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Take care,

Rey