Volcanoes and unexpected empathy
Why would someone try to hurt my feelings online?
What a week of interesting, challenging day hikes! We drove north from San Francisco to Lassen Volcanic National Park, through it to Cinder Cone, past Crater Lake, and still heading north.
We’re traveling through a chain of volcanoes - Lassen, Cinder Cone, towards Mt. Saint Helens - and more. These are part of the Ring of Fire that surrounds the entire Pacific Ocean, where the Pacific Plate intersects with the other tectonic plates.
Even Crater Lake was formed by volcanic activity. A huge volcano used to sit where Crater Lake is today. 7,700 years ago, the volcano spewed ash out of its top and lava flowed out the side, emptying the giant cavern inside. The surface of the volcano collapsed into itself, leaving the empty caldera which filled with rainwater over many years.
If you’d like to check out two of the hikes, I just posted two 8-minute YouTube videos with interesting facts and spectacular vistas:
Just because I’m hiking and traveling doesn’t mean I get to take a break from engaging with folks online. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing and rewarding to get comments from people who enjoy watching the videos and reading what I write. That’s a great signal that I am working on things people appreciate—which is the goal!
But once in a while, I get some comments that I ignore, or delete, or try to respond with as much compassion as I can muster. These comments are almost always about my gender or LGBTQ identity. Funny, no one seems to say “WHO CARES” or “you’re sick” if I film a nature walk.
It’s especially ironic when I get the copy-pasta “you should go outside and see the real world.” It’s like, what do you think I’ve been doing in all my videos? I, in fact, go outside a lot!!
Dealing with anti-LGBTQ hate, in a minor way, has become a rote part of moderating my online content. I got an interesting set of comments the other day that I’d like to share with you.
[content note: some transphobia and talking about abuse in abstract way, no specifics]
The comments started in a very typical way. I noticed 14 comments from the same person on a bunch of different videos. They were all (somewhat) anti-LGBTQ. For example, “your chromosomes don’t lie,” “booooooo,” and “you’re using the beauty of nature for your own twisted ends to remind everyone of your identity.”
Then, I noticed the first (and longest) comment from this person on a video where I talk about how I think books shouldn’t traumatize their readers. This commenter responded and said they were a victim of abuse and felt that everyone should be free to express these terrible experiences.
“You are literally…telling real victims to be quiet about what happened to them. …They all tell you to be quiet, because you’re making them uncomfortable.
If the world was only people like you, predators would run rampant because you’re too scared to even think about them, let alone confront them.”
That must be the real issue. I thought about this for a while, trying to understand the limitations of my words in the video from this person’s perspective. I responded:
“Hey there, to be clear, I obviously think people should tell their stories so people are aware. Half the books I’ve read recently talk about assault and abuse. I’m trying to complain about writers who have not personally experienced these traumas writing about them for shock value and to hurt the reader. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
And it seems from your other comments that you are making a point to be disrespectful about my gender. I am a real person who doesn’t appreciate that.”
I wasn’t really expecting a response, and I certainly wasn’t expecting the response I received:
“sorry I was trying to hurt your feelings”
“Be safe out there, the internet is a shit place and there are much worse goblins than myself. Keep doing you”
I felt surprisingly connected to this person who was willing to be decent towards me, once I had addressed their concern. This interaction brought a tear to my eye. I’ve had very mixed success engaging in discussions with people in comments, but this affirmed that trying to reach out and be reasonable sometimes helps.
Maybe people aren’t so anti-LGBTQ, at the core of it—maybe they see a weakness, a way to tear people down, a difference that they can’t help twisting a knife into. “Trying to hurt your feelings.” Or maybe they don’t believe me when I say who I am. Maybe they are taking advantage of the insanity they see in me.
Schuyler Bailar said on his podcast that perhaps people think of him (a trans man) as a deranged woman, but that he’s so much happier living his own life as he’s chosen. That sticks with me. What’s important is how we can each be happy and respect ourselves for who we are. It’s less important how other people see us.
For more mountains, lakes, and wildlife, check out my trip videos on:
YouTube (videos of full hikes!): https://www.youtube.com/@reywrites
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@reywrites
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reywrite/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rreykatz
If you’ve enjoyed this issue of Amplify Respect, please, do me a favor - share this with a friend. If any part particularly resonated with you, copy a quote or take a screenshot and share it on Substack or other social media. I’d love to get the word out.
Thanks so much for reading my newsletter. It means a lot to me.
Take care,
Rey
Thank you for sharing that conversation. I think it's important for people to remember that not seeing eye to eye with someone or even a whole group of someones doesn't have to be a lost cause. Sometimes it just takes time, or the right conversation (or both) to make that human connection between two people happen and suddenly create more of a mutual understanding. Walking the walk of the name of your blog!
Safe travels Rey!